2012年8月26日星期日

Empathy in communication


   Here I want to discuss about empathy with you, which, I think, is a vitally important skill in good communication and I want to refine it.

   As Wikipedia defines,‘Empathy is the capacity to recognize feelings that are being experienced by another sentient or semi-sentient being.’ It implies  we should use imagination,or, in other words, put ourselves into the other person's shoes, and try to enter fully into his or her emotions and thoughts. That is to say, you understand his pains and joy, fears and pride, anxieties and judgments. It seems that you feel just the same way as he does.

   Why is empathy so important? In the last lecture, we studied the process and models of communication and talked about causes of misunderstanding. To some extent, differences between people can never been avoided and each way of decoding will lead to a specific understanding, so transmitter and receptor sometimes have counter assumptions about the passing massages and communication may break down.

   In addition, empathy is crucial to good communication, because, like the lubricant in chat, empathy can let both sides enjoy pleasant atmosphere while talking and lead conversations to happy endings. Empathetic listeners are more compassionate, tolerant and acceptable of differences. Talking with those people who truly understand your sorrow, share your happiness, and gently soften your folded heart, you may relax a lot. I really want to attain this skill and perform well enough especially when someone I love needs me.

   However, empathy is not born and needs practice. When your friend expresses anxiety or sorrow to you, don`t say ‘you will be better, don't worry’ or ‘time heals’. In that way, you may send him the message: ‘you shouldn`t complains as there's nothing serious’. Also, your kind advice: ‘Just take a rest and you'll perk up’ might be interpreted as ‘you should have dealt with the problem by yourself'. It is sorry to make him feel even worse because he have to smile and lie‘I will be fine’, even if you don’t mean that way.
   
   A beginner should train himself, listen more but talk less, feel more but judge less, until the process becomes automatic. Following is a method I found to comfort a sad friend. Firstly, deliver your intention to care his feelings. ‘I know you are upset and help me understand why’. And then let him tell his story without interrupting. As he talks, you need to communicate your understanding. Most importantly, these responses must be genuine.' People wants to be understood, involved and valued, so I think everyone can become an emphatic and considerate friend eventually with sincerity.

5 条评论:

  1. Hey Shu Man, I personally like the the concept of empathy in communication. The idea of differences in ideas and notions of people has been beautifully woven with empathy.

    I think you use impressive transitions which makes you article very coherent and interesting to read. I liked the way you started from describing a little about empathy and then gave an insight on how it is useful for communication.

    I also thought that the illustrations you used serve their rightful purpose in substantiating your point. I like the way you use 'judge less', I think this all of us need to incorporate it in our lives whether beginners or professional, because having pre-conceived notions affects effective communication.

    So from what I understand, 'effective communication requires empathy'. A great thought indeed.

    On a side note, you can consider including how effective communication is important for you in particular and if there is anything you want to improve about your communication skills.

    It was a good read.

    Thanks, looking forward to reading more of your ideas :)

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  2. Dear Shu Man, I really like this post and the way you focus on empathy as a key skill. You very clearly and concisely discuss the way the trait is of importance, and you illustrate how a person might feel in both a problematic situation and then one where comfort is duly given.

    Aditi has provided a thoughtful analysis above. Allow me to just add that some may question whether or not you have followed the guidelines of the assignment. I can see, in a very real sense, that by saying that a beginner should train by doing such and such, you are showing your own needs and a path to development. Still, you could tie this even more closely to the assigned task by simply including a statement or two about how vital empathizing has been in your life.

    Here are a few other issues to consider:

    1) As Wikipedia defines,‘Empathy... >>> As Wikipedia defines it,‘Empathy...

    2) ... about the passing massages and communication may break down. >>> ... about the passing messages, and communication may break down.

    3) shouldn`t complains >>> ???

    4) It is sorry to make him feel even worse because he have to smile and lie‘I will be fine’, even if you don’t mean that way. >>>
    It is impolite to make him feel even worse because he has to smile and lie, saying ‘I will be fine,' even if you don’t mean to express it that way.

    5) Following >>> The following

    6) to care his feelings. >>> to care for his feelings.

    7) an emphatic and considerate friend >>> an empathetic (?) and considerate friend

    Thanks for the hard work and fine insights!

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  3. Hi Shuman,

    Thank you for an interesting blog post! I love how you focused your post on "Empathy" and elaborated it very clearly.

    I also agreed with Aditi and Brad's comments. Just want to add some of my thoughts. Personally I think there is no such a formula that guides us on how to empathize. It's more case-by-case in my opinion. And it requires the effort of both sides. As in your example, when one wants to console his/her friends by saying "don't worry" or "time heals" or etc., I think their friends should also empathize rather than interpret the messages negatively.

    Thanks and look forward to your next post!
    P/s: I love your blog theme, it looks so pleasant to the eyes :D

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  4. I really liked your post! Especially that you begin with a definition and then starts a discussion about your view of communication. I agree with you, in the discussion you’re having about what you’re not supposed to say to a friend (don`t say ‘you will be better, don't worry’ or ‘time heals’). As a friend, it feels that it is the easiest way out. It is, for the moment, but if you are a true friend, you should care for real and see the problem in long term conditions, sort out the problem and take care of the ones you love and care of.

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