Empathy in communication

   Here I want to discuss about empathy with you, which, I think, is a vitally important skill in good communication and I want to refine it.

   As Wikipedia defines,‘Empathy is the capacity to recognize feelings that are being experienced by another sentient or semi-sentient being.’ It implies  we should use imagination，or, in other words, put ourselves into the other person's shoes, and try to enter fully into his or her emotions and thoughts. That is to say, you understand his pains and joy, fears and pride, anxieties and judgments. It seems that you feel just the same way as he does.

   Why is empathy so important? In the last lecture, we studied the process and models of communication and talked about causes of misunderstanding. To some extent, differences between people can never been avoided and each way of decoding will lead to a specific understanding, so transmitter and receptor sometimes have counter assumptions about the passing massages and communication may break down.

   In addition, empathy is crucial to good communication, because, like the lubricant in chat, empathy can let both sides enjoy pleasant atmosphere while talking and lead conversations to happy endings. Empathetic listeners are more compassionate, tolerant and acceptable of differences. Talking with those people who truly understand your sorrow, share your happiness, and gently soften your folded heart, you may relax a lot. I really want to attain this skill and perform well enough especially when someone I love needs me.

   However, empathy is not born and needs practice. When your friend expresses anxiety or sorrow to you, don`t say ‘you will be better, don't worry’ or ‘time heals’. In that way, you may send him the message: ‘you shouldn`t complains as there's nothing serious’. Also, your kind advice: ‘Just take a rest and you'll perk up’ might be interpreted as ‘you should have dealt with the problem by yourself'. It is sorry to make him feel even worse because he have to smile and lie‘I will be fine’, even if you don’t mean that way.

   

   A beginner should train himself, listen more but talk less, feel more but judge less, until the process becomes automatic. Following is a method I found to comfort a sad friend. ‘Firstly, deliver your intention to care his feelings. ‘I know you are upset and help me understand why’. And then let him tell his story without interrupting. As he talks, you need to communicate your understanding. Most importantly, these responses must be genuine.' People wants to be understood, involved and valued, so I think everyone can become an emphatic and considerate friend eventually with sincerity.