Here I want to discuss about empathy with you, which, I think, is a vitally important skill in good communication and I want to
refine it.
As Wikipedia defines,‘Empathy is the
capacity to recognize feelings that are being experienced by another sentient or
semi-sentient being.’ It implies we should use imagination,or, in other words,
put ourselves into the other person's shoes, and try to enter fully into his or
her emotions and thoughts. That is to say, you understand his pains and
joy, fears and pride, anxieties and judgments. It seems that you feel just the
same way as he does.
Why is empathy so important? In the last
lecture, we studied the process and models of communication and talked about causes of misunderstanding. To some extent, differences between people can
never been avoided and each way of decoding will lead to a specific
understanding, so transmitter and receptor sometimes have counter assumptions about
the passing massages and communication may break down.
In addition, empathy is crucial to good
communication, because, like the lubricant in chat, empathy can let both sides enjoy
pleasant atmosphere while talking and lead conversations to happy endings. Empathetic
listeners are more compassionate, tolerant and acceptable of differences. Talking
with those people who truly understand your sorrow, share your happiness, and gently
soften your folded heart, you may relax a lot. I really
want to attain this skill and perform well enough especially when someone I
love needs me.
However, empathy is not born and needs practice. When your friend expresses anxiety or sorrow to you, don`t say ‘you will be better, don't worry’ or ‘time heals’. In that way, you may send him the message: ‘you shouldn`t complains as there's nothing serious’. Also, your kind advice: ‘Just take a rest and you'll perk up’ might be interpreted as ‘you should have dealt with the problem by yourself'. It is sorry to make him feel even worse because he have to smile and lie‘I will be fine’, even if you don’t mean that way.
However, empathy is not born and needs practice. When your friend expresses anxiety or sorrow to you, don`t say ‘you will be better, don't worry’ or ‘time heals’. In that way, you may send him the message: ‘you shouldn`t complains as there's nothing serious’. Also, your kind advice: ‘Just take a rest and you'll perk up’ might be interpreted as ‘you should have dealt with the problem by yourself'. It is sorry to make him feel even worse because he have to smile and lie‘I will be fine’, even if you don’t mean that way.
A
beginner should train himself, listen more but talk less, feel more but judge
less, until the process becomes automatic. Following is a method I found to comfort a sad friend. ‘Firstly, deliver your intention to care
his feelings. ‘I know you are upset and help me understand why’. And then let him
tell his story without interrupting. As he talks, you need to communicate your
understanding. Most
importantly, these responses must be genuine.' People wants to be understood,
involved and valued, so I think everyone can become an emphatic and
considerate friend eventually with sincerity.